My dog died, someone put super glue all over my car, I puked for the first time in years before a job interview, didn’t even get the job, had a negative balance in my bank account for the first time, I work way too much and miss going out with my friends because of it, lost my debit card, had to starve myself for 2 days to take a lactose test just to fail it, got sick, IT’S SNOWING, and my car broke. Sorry, did I do something? WHADDAFUCK
The worst part, every hour of every day. Can you hear them, there’s no escape. But the truth is, there’s a line that we all cross. I’ve been crossed out, we all get crossed out.
It’s crazy how hearing a song can take you back to when you used to listen to it all the time. It’s the closest thing I have to a time machine. Sometimes I really don’t want to go back, though. This time I didn’t want to hear that song but I just couldn’t shut it off.
There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don’t know how.
I’m constantly trying to learn new things about myself and people around me. I noticed this year that my personality tends to be all over the place. Since I took a Myers-Briggs test, I’ve learned that my ENFJ personality explains a lot about what I think and do. I act on how I feel over basic logic. This explains why sometimes I feel motivated enough to work for like 24 hours, learn and new language and take a road trip somewhere, uh just for example. And then other times, I reject the very thought of exerting effort into any endeavors. I mean I know it’s normal to be lazy sometimes, but I can’t just pick one I guess. So the other thing about me is that I always think about the future. I could spend a whole day planning my weekend minute by minute, then plan my summer, and the one after that, and the rest of my life…yes I do this. I research how to spend money. I’m 18 and thoughts cross my mind that have to do with budgeting my expenses when I live on my own. I think about what my prom will be like, what my wedding will be like, what my house will be like, what jobs I’ll have, how much money I’ll make, and where I’ll end up at the end of all this. Yeah, everyone has wondered this. But I obsess. I think that one false move can, and will, ruin everything. So I sound like a perfectionist, right? A control freak? Think again. You can’t see the floor of my bedroom. Thankfully, with my interests in psychology, I found myself taking a Myers-Briggs test and discovering how typical it is for people like me to do this. Past? Forget it, I barely care. Present? Too boring. Planning better stuff is way more fun for me. It also explained that ENFJs have a hard time spending time alone. We thrive from social interactions and quite possibly cannot live without them. That’s why I get lost, bored, sad and tired when I’m not with other people. My room is like a prison to me and to my INTP boyfriend, his is a safe-haven. I’m just glad to know there are other people out there like me because I was beginning to worry if my strange quirky habits and tendencies were a problem. Guess not. That’s all. I’m going to go back to researching vacations to Europe now so I can be well-informed by the time I’m 27.
I’ll get lost, messed up and bored when I’m alone too long.
I can’t sleep, function or eat when I’m not with someone.